ArizonaLaughterNews a place to visit for a smile, chuckle or laugh

Who says you can't laugh in Ahwatukee?

Ahwatukee Clean Comedy Club (ACCC) is the place to visit if you’re looking for a way to brighten your weekend and lift your spirits. Next upcoming “Laughter Matters!” event promise an evening of clean, family-friendly humor that will leave you smiling long after the last joke. Whether you are a local resident or visiting from neighboring cities, this is the perfect opportunity to gather friends, bring your favorite beverage (BYOB), and enjoy a night of laughter in the heart of Ahwatukee.

WHERE IT IS .... 15210 S 50TH ST, SUITE 130, AHWATUKEE 85044 (Keller Willams Office)

Doors open 6.30 pm Like popcorn? It's FREE! The ticket price for the show is $20 at the door. The host Stacey Culver with Keller Williams keep the popping machine going during the show. For anything else BYOB (bring your own bottle!) 

Like to make SEAT RESERVATION? If you want to reserve your seats in advance feel free to send an email to swedeclean@gmail.com with your name and phone no. 

READY FOR YOUR LAUGHTER MEDICINE?

Barbara Stepp Purdom at Revita-Life.com provides the marketing. Text her 480-770-6271 if you like to get involved in sponsorships and marketing and Anders Berg promoter. 

Stacey Culver with Keller Willams is the host https://staceyc.kw.com is providing the space as well as providing FREE popcorn and water. Have a real estate question? She will be glad to assist.

QUESTIONS OR MAYBE YOU WANT TO HIRE COMEDIANS FOR AN EVENT? FEEL FREE TO TEXT 480 269 2038 or 480 759 5120

 

       

What Makes “Laughter Matters” Special?

At it's core, the Ahwatukee Clean Comedy Club (ACCC) is all about community—and nothing brings people together quite like laughter. This event focuses on clean stand-up comedy, making it ideal for audiences of all adult ages and backgrounds. It’s a chance to escape the stresses of daily life and connect with others through the universal language of humor. From witty one-liners to hilarious storytelling, the comedians aim to deliver laughs that everyone can enjoy. The club’s cozy, intimate setting ensures that every seat feels close to the action. And because it’s a BYOB (Bring Your Own Beverage) event, you can customize your experience with your drink of choice while supporting a local venue dedicated to fostering creativity and fun. And if you like pop corn you can get Stacey Culver's delicious pop corn for FREE!  

Other Laughter Sites you might want to visit....

  AhwatukeeComedyClub Click Here     ArizonaLaughterNews Click here

LIKE OUR HATS?

Below some humorous stuff or feel free to visit ArizonaLaughterNews Click here  

Thank GOD there's a name for this disorder. Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.  This is how it manifests: 

I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. 

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier 

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, And notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.. 

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my check book off the table and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Diet Coke I'd been drinking. 

I'm going to look for my checks, But first I need to push the Diet Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. The Diet Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Diet Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need water. I put the Diet Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. 

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. 

Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. 

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. 

At the end of the day: 

The car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of Diet Coke sitting on the counter, 

The flowers don't have enough water, there is still only 1 check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys. 

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and I'm really tired. 

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll better check my e-mail....and FaceBook.

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SOME WOMEN ATTENDED A SEMINAR...on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. 

The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"  All the women raised their hands. 

Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?

"Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.  

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their  husband -  "I love you, Sweetheart"

Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.

Below are 12 hilarious replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love.  Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?

1. Who the hell is this?

2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?

4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?

5. I don't understand what you mean?

6. What the hell did you do now?

8. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

9. Am I dreaming?

10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.

12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she? 

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I keep seeing naked women in my sleep." 

I said: "Have you seen a psychiatrist?" 

"No, only naked women!" 

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An elderly woman died last month. Having never been married, she had

requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her

memorial service, she wrote.... "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I 

don't want them to take me out when I'm dead!"

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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother,

"Why is the bride dressed in white?" The mother replied: "Because white is the color of happiness,

and today is the happiest day of her life!" The girl thought about it for a little while and then said:

"So why is the groom wearing black?"

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Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. 

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said: "Now don't get mad at me.. I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name just now. I've thought and thought but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is. Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes. She just stared and glared at her. Finally she said: "How soon do you need to know?"

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Below some "OneLiners" you might enjoy

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.

5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.

9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.

10.  If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you,  just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"

11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

13. I run like the winded.

14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"

16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."

19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.

20.  Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere,  makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

 

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Over 60? Over 70? Over 80?

A little reflection never hurts. Cause you never know..

AND THEN IT IS WINTER

You know. . . time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years.

It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams. But, here it is... the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise...How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go?

I remember very well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like. But, here it is...my friends are retired and getting grey...they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me...but, I see the great change...Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant...but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be.

Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore... it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will... I will just fall asleep where I sit!

And so...now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!

But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last...

Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done...things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. It's all in a lifetime.

So, if you're not in your winter yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly! Don't put things off too long!

Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not! You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life...so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to hear and remember... and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!

"Life" is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after. Make it a fantastic one. 

LIVE IT WELL! ENJOY TODAY! DO SOMETHING FUN! BE HAPPY! HAVE A NICE, FUN, CLEAN AND HEALTHY DAY!

REMEMBER:.... 

“Laugh often because laughter matters.”

"It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver." You can't take it with you!!!

"LIVE HAPPY IN THIS YEAR AND EVERY YEAR! AND LASTLY, CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING: TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE SO - ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS. O N E  D A Y  A T  A  T I M E!"

~Your kids are becoming you......

~Going out is good... Coming home is better! 

~You forget names.... But it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!! 

~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything.... lol!

~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore. 

~You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. It's called "pre-sleep". 

~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch.. 

~You tend to use more 4 letter words ... "what?"..."when?"... "what?"... ????

~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere. 

~You notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!! 

~What used to be freckles are now liver spots. 

~Everybody whispers. 

~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet.... 2 of which you will never wear.

~But Old is good in some things: Old Songs, Old movies, and if you are lucky you might have a FEW OLD FRIENDS you can chat with!! And if your love of your life is still with you then you are very blessed. Thanks for reading this rant... it's getting late ….. LaughterMatters!… Good night!

CLICK HERE IF YOU WANT MORE JOKES? 

This is the first article Ahwatukee Foothills News wrote about the comedy club 2005

Take a look at this English translation of the Beijing hotel brochure below:

Getting There:

"Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests."

The Hotel:

"This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self."

The Restaurant:

"Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you."

Your Room:

"Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts."

Bed:

"Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers."

Above all:

"When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it."

Love and Light

..................................................................... 

9 Important Facts to Remember As We Grow Older

#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your butt tomorrow.

#2 In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

#3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

#5 Give someone a fish, and you feed them for a day. Teach them to use the internet, and they won’t bother you for weeks, maybe even months or years.

#6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

#8 Life is sexually transmitted.

#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world. 

AUSTRALIAN BRICKLAYER'S ACCIDENT REPORT

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed.

This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry.